during this time of the year last year, i was stucked at AFPMC or better known as vluna general hospital. xixi my daughter was again confined for the 28th time due to her congenital deffect. that time, i am not ready to be back there because she was just discharged for about two weeks i guess, after her second shunting was done. she was diagnosed with arnold chiari malformation type 2 and has undergone 20 operations since she was onlytwo weeks. most were done in the head.
it was October 12 of last year that she was confined again because her head is becoming tense though both shunt is working. the doctors decided to exteriorate the tubes of the shunt which was connected to her stomach. i am already used of her always on the OR but it is also becoming hard for me.
on December last year, she had a bradycardia which made the pedia decide to give her dopamine to support her heart. it was really painful for me to see my daughter suffer. but that's the least we can do for her. to give her everything to support her life, though we know that we are hoping against all hope that she can still make it. the doctors had informed us, as early as November that she is deteriorating and we felt really bad. on the otherhand, we felt that it is also a blessing so she will no longer feel the pain that she has been through from the start.
now, christmas is fast approaching but i felt really bad sometimes when i hear familiar Christmas carols. i know she doesn't want to see me that way, but i can't help myself. even while i'm doing this blog, i can't avoid myself to have a teary eyes. it seems that i am now hurting more than i use to be early this year. i thought i am over this but with this feelings i think i'm not. or it can be that i just miss my angel very much and this time of the year reminds me of her very much.
this will be our first christmas without her. so we decided to go to vluna to celebrate it with the patient's in the neurosurgery ward. we will this in her memory and i know she will be very pleased to see ud there. visiting her second home just to reminisce her memories.
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3 comments:
Hi des!
Sorry to hear about your daughter. So, how old was she when she was gone? And how old are your kids who are with you now?
Speaking of age, I saw one of your comments to Chean's blog. You call her "ate". Ilang taon ka lang pala if you don't mind me asking? hehehe..
oh thanks for dropping by my blog pala and for leaving a message.:)
sister, i guess it hurts more now kasi we would be thinking that our children should have been doing several things already. we all must move on, as you said, xixi will not be happy to see you feel sad. just think that she will always be there as your little angel.
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