one funny story

this happened one rainy nught, my husband is howing me something inside the car. then he left me there alone and went inside his office to get something. then i decided to follow him inside, and closed the car's door. when we went back outside, we can't open the door, but the key is inside.. and we don't have a duplicate yet since we just bought it (second hand lang).

so, in short we asked for help to the soldiers inside to get somebody who is expert in opening car doors without keys. in short, "bukas kotse gang". hehehe,, funny that i didn't have the chance to test drive the car yet but i already forget to remove the key. when the soldiers came back, they didn't find a bukas kotse mama because it was already late and our location was inside the AFPMC.

good thing is, one soldier happens to know someone who lives in the condo just inside the premises who might help. they went to his house and there he goes, he opened the car door with just one click. he has this universal key which can open any car, pang carnapper ika nga nya.

now i learned my lesson to never leave the key inside the car, whenever i go down. baka mag lock ulit..

who would like this 20 dollar bill?

this is a short atory from Paulo Coehlo's like the flowing river book. here it goes...

Cassan Said Amer tells the story of a lecturer who began a seminar by holding up a twenty-dollar bill and asking, "Who would like this twenty-dollar bill?"

Several hands went up, but the lecturer said: "before i give it to you, i have to do something."

He screwed it up into a ball and said: " who still wants this bill?"

The hands went up again.

"And if i do this to it?"

He threw the crumpled bill at the wall, dropped it on he floor, insulted it trampled on it, and once more showed the the bill - now all creased and dirty. He repeated the question, and the hands stayed up.

"Never forget this scene," he said. It doesn't matter what I do to this money. It is still a twenty-dollar bill. So often in our lives, we are crumpled, trampled, ill-treated, insulted, and yet despite all that, we are still worth the same."

why does it hurt more.....

during this time of the year last year, i was stucked at AFPMC or better known as vluna general hospital. xixi my daughter was again confined for the 28th time due to her congenital deffect. that time, i am not ready to be back there because she was just discharged for about two weeks i guess, after her second shunting was done. she was diagnosed with arnold chiari malformation type 2 and has undergone 20 operations since she was onlytwo weeks. most were done in the head.

it was October 12 of last year that she was confined again because her head is becoming tense though both shunt is working. the doctors decided to exteriorate the tubes of the shunt which was connected to her stomach. i am already used of her always on the OR but it is also becoming hard for me.

on December last year, she had a bradycardia which made the pedia decide to give her dopamine to support her heart. it was really painful for me to see my daughter suffer. but that's the least we can do for her. to give her everything to support her life, though we know that we are hoping against all hope that she can still make it. the doctors had informed us, as early as November that she is deteriorating and we felt really bad. on the otherhand, we felt that it is also a blessing so she will no longer feel the pain that she has been through from the start.

now, christmas is fast approaching but i felt really bad sometimes when i hear familiar Christmas carols. i know she doesn't want to see me that way, but i can't help myself. even while i'm doing this blog, i can't avoid myself to have a teary eyes. it seems that i am now hurting more than i use to be early this year. i thought i am over this but with this feelings i think i'm not. or it can be that i just miss my angel very much and this time of the year reminds me of her very much.

this will be our first christmas without her. so we decided to go to vluna to celebrate it with the patient's in the neurosurgery ward. we will this in her memory and i know she will be very pleased to see ud there. visiting her second home just to reminisce her memories.

as days pass by

i have been giving my sister in law a cold treatment and she finally asked me about it. it's still related to my last post which airs my sentiments to my husband's family. i am not used to be asked why because i can't definitely hide my emotions when provoked. i can't pretend that i'm okay when i'm not. in fact, if asked why i'm giving her that treatment, she will never like what i am about to say and even hate me for that. but that's how and what life is. you cannot please everyone and you can't make everyone like you too. i just feel down whenever i think of these things because inside me shines a little hope that someday soon they will realize the wrong they have done. but in as much as i wanted to make myself believe that it's still possible for them to change, i feel like the more that i will explode... why are they like that? my husband is also having a hard time though he doesn't show it. a family will always be a family no matter what, but i hope this mantra work in their case as well.

darn inlaws

my inlaws are staying with us for almost two years now. i considered the idea of letting them stay with us just to please my husband though im aware of the conflicts it will cause us. but i did take the risk and here comes my most tormenting days.....

her sister and daughter stayed here longer than their mother and his brother. her sister paid for the water and shares some for the viand but other expenses will then be charged to my husbands salary. good thing is, we don't have a loan because if we did we'll be starving to death by now. what bothers me is their attitude. yes she paid some bills but it's not enough. aside from using the electricity which is very high now, she uses my stuff like theirs.

the worst part is, her daughter who is now in college, is not at all helping. i tried my best not to complain to my husband so he will not be bothered but i decided to let him know the burden i'm carrying. i want him to talk to her sister and tell them where they should stand. i mean, if they can't stand with my rules then off you go. i don't have time to negotiate and meet halfway. im so damn tired with what they do and how they treated me and my home.

there comes a point that i felt that i'm the stranger in my own house because i felt that im the oine suppose to adjust with their ways and not them to adjust to mine. i once told my husband that your family is not born with the silver spoon so they are suppose to adjust with the simple life with we have. i don't want to complicate things. yes we have our savings to buy stuffs for our "luho" but i don't wan't to use that because it was intended for the rainy days. we may enjoy what we have now and be contented and just hope for the best to come.

hopefully they'll all be out of my house by november. by hook or by crook i'll do it. if i have to throw their things out i'll do it. it's so unmfair for me to be stressed because of them. im very grateful for the happy family i have but i'm too unlucky to have them as my inlaws.

do you treat others fairly?

i can say i do specially if the person is so nice to and i can't resist on being nice to him/her in return. but there are people that i dislike even if if she hasn't done anything wrong to me. it seems that something is wrong in her system that i have to discover.

i really hate myself when i have the same feeling towards someone because i feel that it's unfair to them, but i also can't control myself not to dislike them. there's this incident that a wife of another military officer who happens to be our mistah is so weird that i really don't like her. she asked me why and i told her the reason for my not liking her, and to her surprise she told me she doesn't like me either. so i guess that's how life is. i don't want to pretend to like someone if inside my heart, i wanted to take every chance to get rid of you. i'm really having this devilish moments of my life specially when i have no one to talk to and my house which i consider my haven is messy. it seems that all the mess i see was vacuumed by my mind.

thanks to CHEANNE

hi ate!!! super thank you for helping me out to create my own blog. it is indeed very fun and worth the time spent. you're right in saying that this can be an outlet to our very emotional routine as hands on mom. i enjoy doing this, and an outlet because i don't have anyone to speak too, whenever i get home from school. it will be my kids that i'll be talking with for the rest of the day. whew!! sometimes, i already forget how to talk to adults my age because i always get the hang over on spending too much time with the kids.

what is keeping you busy?

im a proud home maker and a hands on mom to my sons. my day to day chores are keeping me busy enough that i need not elaborate what those things are. i am a proud home maker because i see to it that my kids get the proper food they needed and my husband is well taken care of. normally, i start my day by preparing my kids food for school and also my husband's. though sometimes, i feel bored because my routine are the same as days goes by, but it is my choice to be one and i don't regret doing it. it's just that, i sometimes come to a point that i feel bored and wanted to explore something new. now that i have some friends in my kids school, i now understand that it is the reality of being a hands on mom and a home maker. i'm glad i've met some moms who raised 4-5 kids and adjustedwell to their chosen fields of specialization.

first time here

this is my first time here. it was fun and worth exploring i can say. i wish i can say much but i am im too overwhelmed that i finally i created a blog on my own. and i really can't think of anything much to say, im just so happy to be a part of this.